"Yes, you see, she was very clumsy, she had fat toes, ”

Our boy Ben will be trying to establish his connection with some of the ladies while reducing the field of potential mates from 17 to 14 in this weeks’ competition.

 

Chris Harrison has arranged   two one on one dates along with a group date where we see more of our candidates in action as they begin to feel the pressure shrinking number of roses.

Ben opens with a one on one with Lauren B, our flight attendant from California. So after a flight in old barnstorming plane they settle down in the desert where a hot tub awaits.  We developed doubts about the Bachelorettes geography skills last week but we do know these ladies are well equipped for whatever the hot tub can throw at them. Lauren B emerges from the tub with a rose and Bachelor Nation concurs Lauren B is a down to earth chick with a nice sense of humor that seems to be a good fit for our all American boy Ben.

 

Next we have a group date with soccer on the agenda .  Strangely, every girl concedes they have never played soccer. How can this be? Where were their Moms???  Last week we learned they never took geography (if they did they didn’t remember much) now we hear they didn’t play soccer-even a little. Where we these girls raised ??? Antarctica?? These chicks must be like Liam with a particular set of skills … but beyond at this point I am not sure what these skills are beyond hanging in a hot tub in a bikini and making out. To be fair, to 26 year old Ben, hot tub skills are likely higher on his hierarchy than geography or soccer so maybe they are on the right track.    

 

 While watching the ball get kicked around I kept waiting for an injury so Ben could ride to the rescue to comfort our ailing soccer star. Sure enough Rachel, a competitor we don’t know who has survived  without much camera time,  pulls up lame but after Ben encourages here , she  gamely decides to finish the effort. All this really does is identify Rachel as a candidate who should not be buying green bananas.  Alex Morgan who plays on the American world cup team as was there to coach the ladies somehow escaped Ben’s eye. I am sure the troop of bachelorettes would have all gone home if Alex were to join the “team”.    

 

Eventually Ben goes for a one on one date with Jubilee. Jubilee is not a perky blond and recognizes Ben seems to warm up to the perky blondes. Being a Haitian adoptee and a war veteran  does not exactly fit the profile of Ben’s taste to this point but it does open the window to be the next bachelorettes in case the producers want to try a season with a black bachelorette. I figure Jubilee has to figure out how to hang around  for a few weeks to get Bachelor Nation behind her.  To her credit Jubilee opens up a bit about being orphaned in Haiti and we get the sense she is being sincere as she offers her favorite food is hot dogs.  She makes enough of an impression on Ben to keep her around a while but this relationship has about as much chance to go the distance as a chicken burrito does of  getting past Bartolo Colon.

 

We have seen Olivia several times during the show and she has surged to uncontested lead in chick most despised by the other girls.

 

She seems to have won this honor on merit as she seems to jump on each chance to get Ben alone work her game. She likes to proclaim she wants to be Ben’s wife but to Bachelor nation she seems to just want to win and Ben is the means to this end . I think she would really want to play “Billionaire Bachelor” and chat up rich old guys who are close to the end.  I would not expect Olivia to travel with a defibrillator in this contest- so the old guys would be on their own in treacherous territory. The other girls seem united in their critique and mention bad breathe, fake boobs and even "fat toes”. We need conflict in the show and thoughtfully ,Olivia is making sure we have plenty.  

  

At this point as we approach the rose ceremony Lace , our vaunted top seed in crazy chick hierarchy , grabs Ben for a word.  She takes this window to explain the show brought out the worst in her and she thinks it is best she leaves to go work on herself. She seems to redeem herself as Bachelor Nation looks on her more sympathetically although Ben is not putting up a fight to keep her. Cheers Lace, good luck ,  but now we need to find another villain.

  

We get to the rose ceremony and Ben only needs to send two girls packing. We get to the final rose and Olivia is still standing along with Shoshanna and Jami. At this point while Ben is pondering, I would like to allow Ben the chance to talk with his future 56 year old Ben for some guidance.

 

Young Ben: “what do you think? Should I keep Olivia? She seems to be all about Olivia and I am not feeling the love.”  

  

56 year old Ben: “You are going to want to avoid the conversation…”

Young Ben: “What conversation?”

56 year old Ben: “The one that will take place in a barn in Indiana. It will go something like this ”

Sheriff ( standing in barn with Ben next to Olivia on the floor with a pitchfork sticking out of her back and blood everywhere) : ‘So Ben. you want to tell me what happened here?”

Ben:   “well Sheriff , ….she fell……. it was an accident ”

Sheriff: “So, your story is she fell….. accidentally………..  37 times ….. backwards  ????”

Ben: “Yes,   you see, she was very clumsy, she had fat toes you know”

 

Of course Olivia gets the final rose, so we get to have a villain!